Men-O-Pause

I’m not quite certain why most men have a difficult time understanding menopause. The name itself practically reads like an instruction manual…Men OH! Pause. Then again it makes perfect sense because what man pays attention to instructions? In all fairness however the tables can be equally turned on females when it comes to the subject of male menopause commonly referred to as a mid-life crisis. Male menopause seems to have two very common symptoms; a desire for a new sports car and the ability to look at themselves as God’s gift to younger women. Upon numerous conversations with my female friends the last thing any of us desire during our pausal state is to be considered God’s gift to any man. In fact, we are tired of having served in that role for all these many years. The thought of a younger man in our lives….absolutely…especially if he is pushing the lawn mower, cleaning our pool, or doing our hair. That works! What we don’t necessarily desire or want is that elbow in the dark and that, “Hey are you awake?” ‘Yes, I’m awake…It’s called insomnia and I seem to suffer it night after night.’ “Oh …well since you’re awake…I have an idea.” ‘So do I, but I’m not quite certain I could hold the pillow down hard and long enough for it to be effective.’ “Are you in the mood?” ‘Oh, I’m in a mood…but I doubt it’s the one you were hoping for.’ “OH…is it that time again???” Don’t you just love that question? You know what I love even more…when they respond with, but it can’t be! ‘What do you mean it can’t be?’ “Well…because that just happened two weeks ago and so you have another two weeks to…” Okay, maybe I do have the strength to hold down that pillow. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How it is a man can forget our birthday, forget our anniversary, and forget to put down the toilet seat, but somehow keep track of our time of the month? Furthermore…how is it this is somehow an inconvenience to him? Well pardon me; but they don’t call it MEN-OH! PAUSE for nothing.
I’d like to believe that with a jury of my peers ( ie., peri-menopausal women) and a sympathetic female judge I could probably get the charges dropped by reason of insanity…HIS!

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